Wow Joshua, I honestly think your storybook is coming along SO great!!! First off, when I saw the graphic on your main page, that already drew me in! It made me curious and wanting to know about what kind of destruction pride can lead you into! GREAT JOB!
And as if your graphic did not entice me, your introduction certainly did! The tone and language was perfect! I love that you gave a lot of detail and creative language, but made it so mysterious that I was wondering who is this boss and how does he do these things for people?! I wanted you to keep telling me more!
I thought it was great that you then cued into your master and let death speak, was really great. It answered some of my questions and then piqued my interest in new ways. His lecture on pride and how it would lead you to meet him again was really great, and made me want to learn about the ways to avoid such a fate.
Overall, I think you have done an amazing job, and I think your site is going to be phenomenal. You really mastered the right tone, language, graphics and design to fit your theme and attract readers! SO GOOD!
Joshua, the first paragraph of your storybook is so capturing I found myself trying desperately to figure out where the story was going next! Was this story going to be a mystery? A horrible death story? A lesson from one person to another? I didn’t know! I think it is an amazing idea to have the story be coming from death! I can definitely see where you could have picked up this idea since almost all of the units we have read have at least one story of someone being dumb and dying because they were being dumb. You have so many option!
I am so interested in how Death is going to tell the stories. I want to see Death’s voice. He seems very old school, polite, and to the point but I wonder if that will continue! I also wonder if the person who is being told these stories is the reader or if there is a specific person. If it supposed to be the reader, I think that is very interesting because all humans make mistakes. So, really, it could be anyone getting that sort of talking to. But if it is a specific person, what makes them so special that death itself invites them into his home to tell them stories? I love this idea and I am definitely going to come back to read your stories!
The first thing that attracted my attention to your site was the title. Your title is awesome and very eye-catching, and it’s always nice when you can make use of a Biblical allusion. Your website design has a very stark design that I find distinctive and appealing. It also matches well with your storybook’s theme concerning death. The black and red letters of your cover page graphic against the plain white background is really attention-getting and drew me in immediately. Way to take a minimalistic approach and use it to enhance your storybook! Moving to the introduction page, I really liked your choice of Courier New style text. People don’t always consider how a certain type of font often creates a different type mood than another. Your font choice adds to your site’s stark look while at the same time syncing well with the voice of the narrator and Death. Speaking of Death’s voice, I liked the very formal and courteous manner that characterizes it. I Iook forward to seeing how you develop his voice. I think you could use the dissonance between Death’s factual tone and the perhaps over-the-top things that he will describe in the stories to humorous effect at times.
I really love your Storybook, so far. I think the Introduction is great and very attention-getting. I also really liked the first story. The Adam and Eve story was very well done. My only critique, and I want to get it out of the way so I can talk about good things, is that the coverage of the Adam and Eve story had Death kind of sandwich the story, but he doesn't really seem to be interlaced throughout the entire narrative. I realize it's a "birth" story, but I think you might could have worked in some more Death commentary outside of the little aside below the image of the apple. Now, on to what I thought was great. Everything else, pretty much. Death as a narrator is always fascinating and you seem to give him a similar attitude as Death in The Book Thief. I don't know if you have ever read that book or not, but your Death seems incredibly comparable to the one in that novel - which is both good and bad. The formal dialect of Death is great, but I think your Death should be a bit more menacing, due to the source material. Have you ever read C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters? I think you would benefit from that if you want a good view of Death or a Satanic figure (which I realize you aren't trying to make the two one in the same). If you want to borrow the book or just discuss your Storybook further, I would be glad to do so with you. You can email me or send me a message on this thing, or something.
Your introduction is very well written! I was really impressed. Everything was very clear, there was nothing that left me confused. You explained really well what your stories are about. I love that your theme is death! I think it is something different than just fairies and princesses. It is stories about death coming from Death himself! I thought you brought up some very interesting concepts in your Adam and Eve story. I had never thought about how of course death was born because of Adam and Eve. Also, I never thought about how Adam and Eve had no idea what death even meant at that time. This was such an interesting perspective on a well known story. I thought you did a really great job and it seems like you are on the path to a great storybook! Good job starting the stories off at the true birth of death. That was a really smart and unexpected move! The only thing I would like to see more of is pictures! I love pictures because they really help the reader visualize the story better. I think that your storybook is going to end up really amazing and I cannot wait to read more!
Hello Josh, I decided to read your storybook book for my bonus choice this week. What made me pick your storybook was your title “Pride Goes Before Destruction.” I’m a regular church goer, but im not sure that that phrase means or how I feel about it. It is an interesting quote however, and made me want to see more of your storybook.
I like your cover page. It is plain and simple with the whole quote that your title goes with. I noticed that it is from Proverbs. I’m going to have to check it out for myself and see the story it comes from.
Your introduction was surprising!. I sort of see now what your title means. I like how your introduce “Death” as the main storyteller. This tell me that every one of your stories will have an “unpleasant” ending due the poor decisions each person makes. Your introduction reminds me of the movie Saw. I am excited to read your stories.
I thought you told your first story exceptionally well. It was cool how you said it was Death’s origin story. This shed some light on the already familiar story, but with a new perspective. I did not realize really what with sin came death. So Adam and Eve did not just bring sin into the world, but also death and they were the first people to ever experience its wrath.
Also, I appreciate the comments you made over my storybook. I'm glad you liked it and hope you enjoy the rest. Any comments on what to improve are also welcome.
Hi! I wanted to come and thank you for the comment you left on my comment wall! I know you only suggested fixing my "Introduction" title on the side bar thingy but I appreciate any and all suggestions! And I like for my page to look neat and tidy so I really appreciate it. Thank you again and have a fabulous week!
I really enjoyed reading through your storybook project! I like that you took a specific story from the Bible and put it in a new perspective. Your author’s note was very helpful. Even though I have heard the story of Adam and Eve many times, I have never thought about it like that! I thought you did a really nice job of keeping the story concise and to the point. After all, nobody likes it when a story drags on forever, especially when it is one they are already familiar with!
As far as your cover page goes, I really like the Bible verse you provided. It is a truth that many people are probably familiar with, but do not take heed to the warning. I feel like in today’s culture pride is overflowing in many individuals, so this is a great way to give readers a quick reminder of what will happen if they do not get their egos in check!
Also, I really liked your introduction. Although, I am not sure who was the speaker at first, perhaps the skull on the table, I thought it was very entertaining and it got my attention right away. Additionally, I thought you did a great job of setting the stage for your stories, and I am looking forward to reading more!
I am not a huge fan of your background and your font. It is a little plain for me. Also, I would make your picture in the intro a little bigger. However, I do really enjoy your concept for your storybook. Pride really is the worst. I think it is interesting to mention that the story of Adam and Eve is the birth of death itself. I honestly had never really realized that. Since it is something that is a part of life now, it is weird to think of it never existing. I also think it is interesting that you said Adam was the one with the pride. Usually people blame Eve for it all. I also would have never thought to tell this from Death's point of view. Never would have thought about that. I would like a little more description as to what Death looks like. Is he in a creepy black cloak or is he in a suit with his hair slicked back? I would love to know! As this is a story that a lot of people know, I really appreciate you keeping it short and sweet. I think you have done a great so far so far though!
I came back to read your first story. I liked how you went back to the story of Adam and Eve and made it the first of Death’s cautonary tales. It makes a lot of sense for Death to first cite his actual creation as the first and biggest mistake that mortals have made in history. You’ve done a good job retaining Death’s very formal and somewhat instructive tone in the story. The story reads pretty smoothly and the word choice is good. It’ interesting how you changed Satan’s strategy from one of divide and conquer to a more head-on approach that emphasizes Adam’s ultimate downfall as being the result of inordinate pride. Such a change makes sense given the title and subject of your Storybook, and adds a moralizing quality to the story as a whole. I rather liked the font you used in the introduction (for some reason I think it suits Death’s personality) and was a little disappointed that you used a different font in the first story. Any particular reason for the switch? Also, can you explain to me the significance of the rotten apple picture? Is it supposed to represent the reality behind the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil? Those questions aside, everything looks pretty solid so far.
The verse that you have on your cover page is very appropriate for the title and topic, but it is just more words. There is not really a picture on that page, and it could use some help looking a little more interesting. It almost looks like a bad website from some fire and brimstone preachers. The gray background looks fairly nice, but the everything on the site is white or gray, and it could use just a little bit of color (even if that is in the photos).
I think that your concept is awesome and having death be the narrator gives a funny perspective on all the fairy tales where people die in really odd ways. I see why you picked such dark colors to set a gloomy tone, but I still think it is a bit bland. I don't think that the type writer font fits your story very well. Death is an old character and it is hard to see him telling a story by typing it out. At least for the title you might want to choose a font that looks hand written or cursive.
The picture and the font for the first story are much better than the intro and cover page. Choosing the fall of man certainly gets your point across that pride comes before the fall, and the story was written well. I really like how you explain the that with the fall of man comes sin and with sin, death. But again, do not turn your website into fire and brimstone preacher site (so far, it is not, but I see how it could look like it).
Joshua, the image you chose for your coverpage leaves with me with a chill. It is definitely a warning in such wise words. With that in mind, I think the color scheme you chose goes well with the topic you chose. It is very simplistic and allows me to focus on the stories. The introduction is chilling as well since we are being introduced to Death himself! I like that the stories he introduces will be about people’s egos being too big and that their demise will be due to pride. Pride is a very interesting choice to use for your storybook so I am definitely interested. I never thought about pride in the origin story of Adam and Eve but it definitely makes sense and I think you did a fantastic job of telling that story. I never considered it from the perspective of death as well. It is an interesting thought that Adam and Eve never had to think about what death even meant since it had not existed yet. Good job personifying Death itself, he is an excellent narrator for these stories and I am really looking forward to reading more from your storybook. Good job on everything!
I really like your storybook theme! I did not know what to expect when I saw the title at first, but it is definitely really cool. I like your homepage too. I like that your image is your title and you didn't use any other images - I think that would have taken away from it. Your color scheme is nice as well. I think the monochromatic of grey, black, and white really adds to the mood and your overall theme. I also like the red of the word "destruction;" I think it adds a really nice pop to the homepage.
I thought the size of your font in your introduction was a little bit difficult to read, but I also have really bad eyesight so I'm sure it's fine for everyone else haha. Other than that, I really liked it! It definitely has me hooked and I wanted to keep reading to find out more. I really liked the part at the beginning when you repeated "never more" a few times - think it makes it really intriguing and I wanted to know more. The image you used is pretty eerie which I think is great because it really ties in with your theme of death and destruction.
Hey Joshua! This is my first time visiting your storybook page! Your title really grabbed my attention and sparked my curiosity. I think that it's great that you chose to use a bible verse as you cover page image instead of a picture. I really love the thought that Proverbs as a whole evokes.
I really enjoy the writing style that you use for your introduction. Your words flow so effortlessly and kept me constantly engaged in your story. I think that it is interesting that you are choosing to tell your stories through Death himself. I think that will be a very interesting approach to your stories. I love his bluntness at the end of the introduction and his reminder that he will be visiting us one day too.
One thing that may slightly improve you page would be to increase the size of your image just a bit so that we can further examine the details.
Great job overall! You have a great storybook going!
Josh, I’m back to you storybook and I am excited that I got to read your storybook this week. This week I read your Two Craftsman Story. I liked the way you told your story a lot. It was easy to read and understand. Your also got two the main point of thinks which was great. This story was just as good as your first one and your storybook is looking to be one of my favorites so far.
What was interesting to me about this story is the Painter. Why was he so “jealous” of the carpenter? Was he taking all the popularity in the city? Anyways the Painter’s jealous is what led to his demise like you explained. He thought that he would be able to trick the carpenter, but he was not able too. The carpenter thought one step ahead and planned for a way to counter. I liked how you briefly explained the moral of the story at the end to let the reader know (If he did not already). I almost that that this story would end in a good way at first, but then I remembered that your narrator is death, so every story that you tell will involve death! Very, very interesting and I enjoyed your story for another week. Great job.
Hi Joshua, At first I couldn’t quite gauge what your story was about just by your cover photo. It’s a nice quote but I felt it was rather plain. My thoughts quickly changed when I moved onto the introduction. The layout was still simple but after reading your intro it seems very fitting. I especially liked the photo you used and the font you chose. Reading the first few lines I became very interested. Towards the end I finally figured out what your story was about, Death! I think you introduced the concept of your story in a way that left the audience confused at first but later they grew even more excited to read it. After reading your first story I like the overall mood of the story. It’s almost creepy in a way knowing the backstory of very well-known deaths. Only thing that bothered me a bit of about this story was the font. As I mentioned early the introduction font was very fitting for the overall feel of the story. It would be nice to remain consistent with this theme. Aside from that I think what you have so far will make for a very creative and interesting storybook
Back one more time! I liked your re-telling of “The Wise Carpenter” even more than your first story. I love a good story where the tables are turned in ironic fashion against the antagonist, and this one fits the bill perfectly. The writing style suits the folk tale type story well, and it was a smart move trimming down the dialogue of the original story in order to keep your re-telling concise and within the word limit. You also have trimmed down some of the longer descriptions in the original, such as the passage describing what exactly the heavenly-looking garments that the carpenter wore looked like. This is a good thing for the most part, although throwing in a few small splotches of imagery here and there (if you have the room to that is) is never a bad idea in my opinion.
I also have to say that I loved your concluding line to the death of the painter. I mean the last line from the original—“so he really did go to heaven”—is pretty good in itself, but the line “The painter then left this earth, but instead of smoke, I was his escort” was really awesome and is a great reminder of whose narrating the story. Nice story, Joshua!
I had to come back and read some more for this week, and so here I am. I loved the second story as much, if not more, than I liked the first one. I thought it was so cool and I had never heard it before, so that must have helped it appeal to me more. Plus, any story where there is fire is a good story to me. I think a lot of people read through the Tibetan stories just because there was something so intriguing about them. I, unfortunately, was not one of the smart individuals who read them, but at least there are retellings of these stories for me to enjoy. Now, I think the fact that Death was the narrator was a little lost this time around. I don't know that it is necessary, but I would suggest just making that a bit more clear or something to remind your readers of the context. Otherwise, fantastic storybook, as usual. Keep it up!
This week, I picked your storybook as my free choice! The name of your book stood out to me. I'm not exactly sure why but I was interested from the get-go so I was ready to find out more about your topic. I thought your blog was set up nicely. It was aesthetically pleasing and simple, yet effective. Sometimes, people use too many colors, fonts, and pictures, but I think you did yours perfectly!
Your introduction was so great! When I was reading, I wasn't sure exactly what was happening and then when I found out the the master was Death, I was so intrigued. I really liked your writing style. It was so casual and conversational, which is so easy and fun to read.
The first story was so interesting. I never thought I would hear the story of Adam and Eve from the perspective of Death. I also really like that you gave Death a personality. That is something else I would never thought of, but was done really effectively. I also thought your second story was really well done. I had never heard the original story that you retold, but I really liked your version. Again, telling the story from the voice of Death was so interesting and I really liked your use of details.
Overall, I thought your writing style was very effective. It was full of great details but only just enough. I thought your storybook was great!
At first glance of your storybook, it looked interesting. Even though your storybook is about death, which is typically associated with black, you went with muted colors and white. This is a refreshing change and it works with your story! I also like how your background is a grey gradient rather than just a solid grey background. It is definitely more interesting to the eye. I also like the image you chose for your coverpage. It fits perfectly with your theme and it pops out.
As for your introduction, I liked it a lot. However, it is really confusing in the first half when the servant is narrating. From the picture you added to the introduction, I am assuming the servant is a skull? It would be nice if you added some description about the servant so readers can get a better idea of what is happening. I can see what you are trying to do, but I don’t know if it is the right effect. It would also be nice if you added some descriptions about what death looks like. I know that it is difficult to do, but it would help readers visualize what you are trying to convey.
As for your stories, they are both well written. The first story is good, but your second story is gold. I really liked it a lot. It makes me wish I read the Tibetan Folktales unit. A small suggestion for the second paragraph of the second story is to add “deceased” between “the king’s” and “father” so that it is clearer earlier on that the father passed away. Other than that, great job! Keep up the good work!
Joshua, your cover page was easy to read and it seemed very straightforward, but I wasn’t completely sure what to expect based on the information provided on your cover page. Pride Goes Before Destruction is definitely an interesting title. I went in to your introduction very curious about what I would soon be reading.
I thought it was really interesting that you chose to have a servant of death as the narrator, but you also brought in Death personified as a narrator. I think if you want to use both as narrators in your introduction, maybe moving your picture down in between the ‘I believe it is time that you met my master. Here he is now’ and the part where Death takes over. I think that could help break it up a bit and make the change more explicit. However, I’m glad that you did explain your general theme and I understood where you were planning to go much better after reading your introduction.
I thought it was brilliant that you chose to start with the story of Adam and Eve. This story is one that almost everybody is familiar with, but your version was well-written and I didn’t really notice any errors there. I wasn’t previously familiar with your second story, but I enjoyed it and thought it went well with your theme.
You have such a way with words. My curiosity first sparked when I read the title of your storybook. Then I read your introduction and boy was I blown away. I was so entranced by your introduction because it was so simple, yet so elegant. I definitely was not at all prepared for the narrator of the stories to be Death. But what I really liked is the empathy Death has for the living and that he is really trying to give them a fighting chance to avoid him, or at least avoid disagreement with him when they inevitably die. I really liked your take on the tree of knowledge of good and evil. I found it to be incredibly interesting that it was their pride for all things free that led them to be banished from the garden. I also enjoyed how you were easily able to break from the story and then ease back into it. It is very interesting that you did not stick with one unit but instead went with one theme. It is something I have not seen yet in the storybooks and something I very much enjoyed. You did an excellent job of following one theme and making it incredibly interesting and great. One of the best yet!
“The Young Foolish Wolf” was a great story as well. It was good idea to include the hare as a trickster archetype in your story. The hare serves as a great foil to the wolf, and allows us to see how wise age is able to beat out rash youth. Admittedly I kind of felt for the way the wolf died. Getting killed by the bear would have been a better end than starvation in my opinion.
It was creative how you combined both the hare’s trickery about magic-ing Wolf into a bigger creature with the original story idea of the shadow causing the wolf to think that he had grown larger than the bear. It made the wolf seem slightly less foolish since he wasn’t just fancying himself bigger, but actually thought himself bigger, although he was still pretty foolish for believing the hare.
The note at the end by Death was especially useful in this story. Death makes a good point that it is one thing to have goals and aspirations and pursue after them relentlessly, but it is another to not realize that we all have weaknesses and need to work within the scope of our limitations in order to succeed.
This was my first time reading your storybook, and I wish that I had read it sooner! I really liked your introduction and how it set everything up for your stories. Using death as a narrator gives you a great perspective to write from. Also, I like that you are using these stories to teach the readers a lesson. Pride is a great topic to write on, because it is one that will always be relevant. It is relevant for Adam and Eve, like in your first story, and it is relevant for all of us today. So after your introduction, I was super excited for your first story!
The story of Adam and Eve was a great choice for your first story! It is also really awesome that you used it as an origin story for Death. I'd never really thought about the fact that Adam and Eve would have had no idea what death looked like. Death is so common for us all that it is hard to imagine life without death. You also used this story well to teach a lesson about pride, and how it lead to the downfall of mine. This was a great story! Nice job man!
Wow Joshua, I honestly think your storybook is coming along SO great!!! First off, when I saw the graphic on your main page, that already drew me in! It made me curious and wanting to know about what kind of destruction pride can lead you into! GREAT JOB!
ReplyDeleteAnd as if your graphic did not entice me, your introduction certainly did! The tone and language was perfect! I love that you gave a lot of detail and creative language, but made it so mysterious that I was wondering who is this boss and how does he do these things for people?! I wanted you to keep telling me more!
I thought it was great that you then cued into your master and let death speak, was really great. It answered some of my questions and then piqued my interest in new ways. His lecture on pride and how it would lead you to meet him again was really great, and made me want to learn about the ways to avoid such a fate.
Overall, I think you have done an amazing job, and I think your site is going to be phenomenal. You really mastered the right tone, language, graphics and design to fit your theme and attract readers! SO GOOD!
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ReplyDeleteJoshua, the first paragraph of your storybook is so capturing I found myself trying desperately to figure out where the story was going next! Was this story going to be a mystery? A horrible death story? A lesson from one person to another? I didn’t know! I think it is an amazing idea to have the story be coming from death! I can definitely see where you could have picked up this idea since almost all of the units we have read have at least one story of someone being dumb and dying because they were being dumb. You have so many option!
ReplyDeleteI am so interested in how Death is going to tell the stories. I want to see Death’s voice. He seems very old school, polite, and to the point but I wonder if that will continue! I also wonder if the person who is being told these stories is the reader or if there is a specific person. If it supposed to be the reader, I think that is very interesting because all humans make mistakes. So, really, it could be anyone getting that sort of talking to. But if it is a specific person, what makes them so special that death itself invites them into his home to tell them stories? I love this idea and I am definitely going to come back to read your stories!
The first thing that attracted my attention to your site was the title. Your title is awesome and very eye-catching, and it’s always nice when you can make use of a Biblical allusion. Your website design has a very stark design that I find distinctive and appealing. It also matches well with your storybook’s theme concerning death. The black and red letters of your cover page graphic against the plain white background is really attention-getting and drew me in immediately. Way to take a minimalistic approach and use it to enhance your storybook!
ReplyDeleteMoving to the introduction page, I really liked your choice of Courier New style text. People don’t always consider how a certain type of font often creates a different type mood than another. Your font choice adds to your site’s stark look while at the same time syncing well with the voice of the narrator and Death. Speaking of Death’s voice, I liked the very formal and courteous manner that characterizes it. I Iook forward to seeing how you develop his voice. I think you could use the dissonance between Death’s factual tone and the perhaps over-the-top things that he will describe in the stories to humorous effect at times.
I really love your Storybook, so far. I think the Introduction is great and very attention-getting. I also really liked the first story. The Adam and Eve story was very well done. My only critique, and I want to get it out of the way so I can talk about good things, is that the coverage of the Adam and Eve story had Death kind of sandwich the story, but he doesn't really seem to be interlaced throughout the entire narrative. I realize it's a "birth" story, but I think you might could have worked in some more Death commentary outside of the little aside below the image of the apple.
ReplyDeleteNow, on to what I thought was great. Everything else, pretty much. Death as a narrator is always fascinating and you seem to give him a similar attitude as Death in The Book Thief. I don't know if you have ever read that book or not, but your Death seems incredibly comparable to the one in that novel - which is both good and bad. The formal dialect of Death is great, but I think your Death should be a bit more menacing, due to the source material. Have you ever read C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters? I think you would benefit from that if you want a good view of Death or a Satanic figure (which I realize you aren't trying to make the two one in the same). If you want to borrow the book or just discuss your Storybook further, I would be glad to do so with you. You can email me or send me a message on this thing, or something.
Joshua,
ReplyDeleteYour introduction is very well written! I was really impressed. Everything was very clear, there was nothing that left me confused. You explained really well what your stories are about. I love that your theme is death! I think it is something different than just fairies and princesses. It is stories about death coming from Death himself! I thought you brought up some very interesting concepts in your Adam and Eve story. I had never thought about how of course death was born because of Adam and Eve. Also, I never thought about how Adam and Eve had no idea what death even meant at that time. This was such an interesting perspective on a well known story. I thought you did a really great job and it seems like you are on the path to a great storybook! Good job starting the stories off at the true birth of death. That was a really smart and unexpected move! The only thing I would like to see more of is pictures! I love pictures because they really help the reader visualize the story better. I think that your storybook is going to end up really amazing and I cannot wait to read more!
Thanks for your comment on my week 1 storytelling post, I really appreciate your helpful and constructive feedback!
ReplyDeleteHello Josh, I decided to read your storybook book for my bonus choice this week. What made me pick your storybook was your title “Pride Goes Before Destruction.” I’m a regular church goer, but im not sure that that phrase means or how I feel about it. It is an interesting quote however, and made me want to see more of your storybook.
ReplyDeleteI like your cover page. It is plain and simple with the whole quote that your title goes with. I noticed that it is from Proverbs. I’m going to have to check it out for myself and see the story it comes from.
Your introduction was surprising!. I sort of see now what your title means. I like how your introduce “Death” as the main storyteller. This tell me that every one of your stories will have an “unpleasant” ending due the poor decisions each person makes. Your introduction reminds me of the movie Saw. I am excited to read your stories.
I thought you told your first story exceptionally well. It was cool how you said it was Death’s origin story. This shed some light on the already familiar story, but with a new perspective. I did not realize really what with sin came death. So Adam and Eve did not just bring sin into the world, but also death and they were the first people to ever experience its wrath.
Also, I appreciate the comments you made over my storybook. I'm glad you liked it and hope you enjoy the rest. Any comments on what to improve are also welcome.
ReplyDeleteHi! I wanted to come and thank you for the comment you left on my comment wall! I know you only suggested fixing my "Introduction" title on the side bar thingy but I appreciate any and all suggestions! And I like for my page to look neat and tidy so I really appreciate it. Thank you again and have a fabulous week!
ReplyDeleteHi Joshua,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading through your storybook project! I like that you took a specific story from the Bible and put it in a new perspective. Your author’s note was very helpful. Even though I have heard the story of Adam and Eve many times, I have never thought about it like that! I thought you did a really nice job of keeping the story concise and to the point. After all, nobody likes it when a story drags on forever, especially when it is one they are already familiar with!
As far as your cover page goes, I really like the Bible verse you provided. It is a truth that many people are probably familiar with, but do not take heed to the warning. I feel like in today’s culture pride is overflowing in many individuals, so this is a great way to give readers a quick reminder of what will happen if they do not get their egos in check!
Also, I really liked your introduction. Although, I am not sure who was the speaker at first, perhaps the skull on the table, I thought it was very entertaining and it got my attention right away. Additionally, I thought you did a great job of setting the stage for your stories, and I am looking forward to reading more!
Hey Joshua,
ReplyDeleteI am not a huge fan of your background and your font. It is a little plain for me. Also, I would make your picture in the intro a little bigger. However, I do really enjoy your concept for your storybook. Pride really is the worst. I think it is interesting to mention that the story of Adam and Eve is the birth of death itself. I honestly had never really realized that. Since it is something that is a part of life now, it is weird to think of it never existing. I also think it is interesting that you said Adam was the one with the pride. Usually people blame Eve for it all. I also would have never thought to tell this from Death's point of view. Never would have thought about that. I would like a little more description as to what Death looks like. Is he in a creepy black cloak or is he in a suit with his hair slicked back? I would love to know! As this is a story that a lot of people know, I really appreciate you keeping it short and sweet. I think you have done a great so far so far though!
I came back to read your first story. I liked how you went back to the story of Adam and Eve and made it the first of Death’s cautonary tales. It makes a lot of sense for Death to first cite his actual creation as the first and biggest mistake that mortals have made in history. You’ve done a good job retaining Death’s very formal and somewhat instructive tone in the story. The story reads pretty smoothly and the word choice is good. It’ interesting how you changed Satan’s strategy from one of divide and conquer to a more head-on approach that emphasizes Adam’s ultimate downfall as being the result of inordinate pride. Such a change makes sense given the title and subject of your Storybook, and adds a moralizing quality to the story as a whole.
ReplyDeleteI rather liked the font you used in the introduction (for some reason I think it suits Death’s personality) and was a little disappointed that you used a different font in the first story. Any particular reason for the switch? Also, can you explain to me the significance of the rotten apple picture? Is it supposed to represent the reality behind the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil? Those questions aside, everything looks pretty solid so far.
The verse that you have on your cover page is very appropriate for the title and topic, but it is just more words. There is not really a picture on that page, and it could use some help looking a little more interesting. It almost looks like a bad website from some fire and brimstone preachers. The gray background looks fairly nice, but the everything on the site is white or gray, and it could use just a little bit of color (even if that is in the photos).
ReplyDeleteI think that your concept is awesome and having death be the narrator gives a funny perspective on all the fairy tales where people die in really odd ways. I see why you picked such dark colors to set a gloomy tone, but I still think it is a bit bland. I don't think that the type writer font fits your story very well. Death is an old character and it is hard to see him telling a story by typing it out. At least for the title you might want to choose a font that looks hand written or cursive.
The picture and the font for the first story are much better than the intro and cover page. Choosing the fall of man certainly gets your point across that pride comes before the fall, and the story was written well. I really like how you explain the that with the fall of man comes sin and with sin, death. But again, do not turn your website into fire and brimstone preacher site (so far, it is not, but I see how it could look like it).
Joshua, the image you chose for your coverpage leaves with me with a chill. It is definitely a warning in such wise words. With that in mind, I think the color scheme you chose goes well with the topic you chose. It is very simplistic and allows me to focus on the stories. The introduction is chilling as well since we are being introduced to Death himself! I like that the stories he introduces will be about people’s egos being too big and that their demise will be due to pride. Pride is a very interesting choice to use for your storybook so I am definitely interested. I never thought about pride in the origin story of Adam and Eve but it definitely makes sense and I think you did a fantastic job of telling that story. I never considered it from the perspective of death as well. It is an interesting thought that Adam and Eve never had to think about what death even meant since it had not existed yet. Good job personifying Death itself, he is an excellent narrator for these stories and I am really looking forward to reading more from your storybook. Good job on everything!
ReplyDeleteJoshua,
ReplyDeleteI really like your storybook theme! I did not know what to expect when I saw the title at first, but it is definitely really cool. I like your homepage too. I like that your image is your title and you didn't use any other images - I think that would have taken away from it. Your color scheme is nice as well. I think the monochromatic of grey, black, and white really adds to the mood and your overall theme. I also like the red of the word "destruction;" I think it adds a really nice pop to the homepage.
I thought the size of your font in your introduction was a little bit difficult to read, but I also have really bad eyesight so I'm sure it's fine for everyone else haha. Other than that, I really liked it! It definitely has me hooked and I wanted to keep reading to find out more. I really liked the part at the beginning when you repeated "never more" a few times - think it makes it really intriguing and I wanted to know more. The image you used is pretty eerie which I think is great because it really ties in with your theme of death and destruction.
Great job!
Hey Joshua! This is my first time visiting your storybook page! Your title really grabbed my attention and sparked my curiosity. I think that it's great that you chose to use a bible verse as you cover page image instead of a picture. I really love the thought that Proverbs as a whole evokes.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy the writing style that you use for your introduction. Your words flow so effortlessly and kept me constantly engaged in your story. I think that it is interesting that you are choosing to tell your stories through Death himself. I think that will be a very interesting approach to your stories. I love his bluntness at the end of the introduction and his reminder that he will be visiting us one day too.
One thing that may slightly improve you page would be to increase the size of your image just a bit so that we can further examine the details.
Great job overall! You have a great storybook going!
Josh,
ReplyDeleteI’m back to you storybook and I am excited that I got to read your storybook this week. This week I read your Two Craftsman Story. I liked the way you told your story a lot. It was easy to read and understand. Your also got two the main point of thinks which was great. This story was just as good as your first one and your storybook is looking to be one of my favorites so far.
What was interesting to me about this story is the Painter. Why was he so “jealous” of the carpenter? Was he taking all the popularity in the city? Anyways the Painter’s jealous is what led to his demise like you explained. He thought that he would be able to trick the carpenter, but he was not able too. The carpenter thought one step ahead and planned for a way to counter. I liked how you briefly explained the moral of the story at the end to let the reader know (If he did not already). I almost that that this story would end in a good way at first, but then I remembered that your narrator is death, so every story that you tell will involve death! Very, very interesting and I enjoyed your story for another week. Great job.
Hi Joshua,
ReplyDeleteAt first I couldn’t quite gauge what your story was about just by your cover photo. It’s a nice quote but I felt it was rather plain. My thoughts quickly changed when I moved onto the introduction. The layout was still simple but after reading your intro it seems very fitting. I especially liked the photo you used and the font you chose. Reading the first few lines I became very interested. Towards the end I finally figured out what your story was about, Death! I think you introduced the concept of your story in a way that left the audience confused at first but later they grew even more excited to read it. After reading your first story I like the overall mood of the story. It’s almost creepy in a way knowing the backstory of very well-known deaths. Only thing that bothered me a bit of about this story was the font. As I mentioned early the introduction font was very fitting for the overall feel of the story. It would be nice to remain consistent with this theme. Aside from that I think what you have so far will make for a very creative and interesting storybook
Back one more time! I liked your re-telling of “The Wise Carpenter” even more than your first story. I love a good story where the tables are turned in ironic fashion against the antagonist, and this one fits the bill perfectly. The writing style suits the folk tale type story well, and it was a smart move trimming down the dialogue of the original story in order to keep your re-telling concise and within the word limit. You also have trimmed down some of the longer descriptions in the original, such as the passage describing what exactly the heavenly-looking garments that the carpenter wore looked like. This is a good thing for the most part, although throwing in a few small splotches of imagery here and there (if you have the room to that is) is never a bad idea in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI also have to say that I loved your concluding line to the death of the painter. I mean the last line from the original—“so he really did go to heaven”—is pretty good in itself, but the line “The painter then left this earth, but instead of smoke, I was his escort” was really awesome and is a great reminder of whose narrating the story. Nice story, Joshua!
I had to come back and read some more for this week, and so here I am. I loved the second story as much, if not more, than I liked the first one. I thought it was so cool and I had never heard it before, so that must have helped it appeal to me more. Plus, any story where there is fire is a good story to me. I think a lot of people read through the Tibetan stories just because there was something so intriguing about them. I, unfortunately, was not one of the smart individuals who read them, but at least there are retellings of these stories for me to enjoy. Now, I think the fact that Death was the narrator was a little lost this time around. I don't know that it is necessary, but I would suggest just making that a bit more clear or something to remind your readers of the context. Otherwise, fantastic storybook, as usual. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteJoshua,
ReplyDeleteThis week, I picked your storybook as my free choice! The name of your book stood out to me. I'm not exactly sure why but I was interested from the get-go so I was ready to find out more about your topic. I thought your blog was set up nicely. It was aesthetically pleasing and simple, yet effective. Sometimes, people use too many colors, fonts, and pictures, but I think you did yours perfectly!
Your introduction was so great! When I was reading, I wasn't sure exactly what was happening and then when I found out the the master was Death, I was so intrigued. I really liked your writing style. It was so casual and conversational, which is so easy and fun to read.
The first story was so interesting. I never thought I would hear the story of Adam and Eve from the perspective of Death. I also really like that you gave Death a personality. That is something else I would never thought of, but was done really effectively. I also thought your second story was really well done. I had never heard the original story that you retold, but I really liked your version. Again, telling the story from the voice of Death was so interesting and I really liked your use of details.
Overall, I thought your writing style was very effective. It was full of great details but only just enough. I thought your storybook was great!
Hey Joshua,
ReplyDeleteAt first glance of your storybook, it looked interesting. Even though your storybook is about death, which is typically associated with black, you went with muted colors and white. This is a refreshing change and it works with your story! I also like how your background is a grey gradient rather than just a solid grey background. It is definitely more interesting to the eye. I also like the image you chose for your coverpage. It fits perfectly with your theme and it pops out.
As for your introduction, I liked it a lot. However, it is really confusing in the first half when the servant is narrating. From the picture you added to the introduction, I am assuming the servant is a skull? It would be nice if you added some description about the servant so readers can get a better idea of what is happening. I can see what you are trying to do, but I don’t know if it is the right effect. It would also be nice if you added some descriptions about what death looks like. I know that it is difficult to do, but it would help readers visualize what you are trying to convey.
As for your stories, they are both well written. The first story is good, but your second story is gold. I really liked it a lot. It makes me wish I read the Tibetan Folktales unit. A small suggestion for the second paragraph of the second story is to add “deceased” between “the king’s” and “father” so that it is clearer earlier on that the father passed away. Other than that, great job! Keep up the good work!
Joshua, your cover page was easy to read and it seemed very straightforward, but I wasn’t completely sure what to expect based on the information provided on your cover page. Pride Goes Before Destruction is definitely an interesting title. I went in to your introduction very curious about what I would soon be reading.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was really interesting that you chose to have a servant of death as the narrator, but you also brought in Death personified as a narrator. I think if you want to use both as narrators in your introduction, maybe moving your picture down in between the ‘I believe it is time that you met my master. Here he is now’ and the part where Death takes over. I think that could help break it up a bit and make the change more explicit. However, I’m glad that you did explain your general theme and I understood where you were planning to go much better after reading your introduction.
I thought it was brilliant that you chose to start with the story of Adam and Eve. This story is one that almost everybody is familiar with, but your version was well-written and I didn’t really notice any errors there. I wasn’t previously familiar with your second story, but I enjoyed it and thought it went well with your theme.
Hey Joshua!
ReplyDeleteYou have such a way with words. My curiosity first sparked when I read the title of your storybook. Then I read your introduction and boy was I blown away. I was so entranced by your introduction because it was so simple, yet so elegant. I definitely was not at all prepared for the narrator of the stories to be Death. But what I really liked is the empathy Death has for the living and that he is really trying to give them a fighting chance to avoid him, or at least avoid disagreement with him when they inevitably die. I really liked your take on the tree of knowledge of good and evil. I found it to be incredibly interesting that it was their pride for all things free that led them to be banished from the garden. I also enjoyed how you were easily able to break from the story and then ease back into it. It is very interesting that you did not stick with one unit but instead went with one theme. It is something I have not seen yet in the storybooks and something I very much enjoyed. You did an excellent job of following one theme and making it incredibly interesting and great. One of the best yet!
“The Young Foolish Wolf” was a great story as well. It was good idea to include the hare as a trickster archetype in your story. The hare serves as a great foil to the wolf, and allows us to see how wise age is able to beat out rash youth. Admittedly I kind of felt for the way the wolf died. Getting killed by the bear would have been a better end than starvation in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteIt was creative how you combined both the hare’s trickery about magic-ing Wolf into a bigger creature with the original story idea of the shadow causing the wolf to think that he had grown larger than the bear. It made the wolf seem slightly less foolish since he wasn’t just fancying himself bigger, but actually thought himself bigger, although he was still pretty foolish for believing the hare.
The note at the end by Death was especially useful in this story. Death makes a good point that it is one thing to have goals and aspirations and pursue after them relentlessly, but it is another to not realize that we all have weaknesses and need to work within the scope of our limitations in order to succeed.
Thank you for your comments on my Storybook! I really am glad you enjoyed it and kept coming back to read it again. I appreciate it!
ReplyDeleteHey Joshua,
ReplyDeleteThis was my first time reading your storybook, and I wish that I had read it sooner! I really liked your introduction and how it set everything up for your stories. Using death as a narrator gives you a great perspective to write from. Also, I like that you are using these stories to teach the readers a lesson. Pride is a great topic to write on, because it is one that will always be relevant. It is relevant for Adam and Eve, like in your first story, and it is relevant for all of us today. So after your introduction, I was super excited for your first story!
The story of Adam and Eve was a great choice for your first story! It is also really awesome that you used it as an origin story for Death. I'd never really thought about the fact that Adam and Eve would have had no idea what death looked like. Death is so common for us all that it is hard to imagine life without death. You also used this story well to teach a lesson about pride, and how it lead to the downfall of mine. This was a great story! Nice job man!